For These Thy Gifts
by LyricInTime2803
Summary: Monica struggles with the visions the Devil showed her on that cliff. Can Andrew help her, or will his own emotions leave them both shattered? A/M Shipper.
1. Chapter 1

**For These Thy Gifts**

_By LyricInTime2803_

Disclaimer: I do not own Touched by an Angel or any recognizable character. They belong to Martha Williamson.

Summary: Monica struggles with the visions the Devil showed her on that cliff. Can Andrew help her, or will his own emotions leave them both shattered?

Warning: Contains major spoilers for episode 7x23 "Netherlands". Also contains references to episodes "'Til Death Do Us Part," "Voice of an Angel," and "'Til We Meet Again," and possibly others.

A/N: As always, feedback is essential to all writers, especially new ones such as myself. Please leave a note, even if it's just a couple words. Thanks!

***

Chapter 1:

A petite woman in a flowing white dress walks aimlessly through the deserted terrain, her long burgundy hair wafting behind her in the breeze. She is barefoot, and while any other time she would smile at the feeling of the grass tickling her toes, even this simple pleasure can't jolt her from her troubled thoughts.

Monica is an angel, created by God and sent to Earth to bring messages of love and truth to humans who have lost their way. But today it is she who feels lost, and she walks along, deep in thought. Her last assignment has finished, and while she normally would have gone Home to Heaven by now, she instead has chosen to remain on Earth.

She thinks back to her conversation yesterday with Gloria, the newly created angel who is experiencing Earth for the first time. Like a human child on her first day of school, Gloria had insisted that she wanted to go Home, and Monica was instantly filled with sympathy for the young angel, who at the time didn't even have a name. She admitted that she too constantly wanted to return to Heaven, but that she stayed because God asked her to, because He loves his children.

And she loves them, too. Even after everything that had taken place on this last assignment, even when the atrocities they commit tear at her heart. And as much as she loves Heaven, and though it could never compare, she can find beauty on Earth, too. Sometimes she even chooses to spend her free time on Earth instead of in Heaven, for many different reasons. Sometimes, she stays for research, to further observe humans and to better understand them, for her own curiosity as well as to be better able to help her assignments. Sometimes she stays to revel in memories, going back to significant places she had visited before- checking on past assignments, or visiting Ireland, where she first experienced Earth. She even spends some vacations on Earth, cherishing time with her dearest friends and fellow angels, Andrew and Tess, and creating new memories.

Other times, however, she stays almost as a punishment for herself. Today, she stays on Earth because Heaven is too painful. Because when your heart is breaking, it hurts to be around so much love.

Monica knows this is wrong. She knows better than ever after recent events that the Father would heal her pain if only she would ask. That if she went Home, the love and peace would soothe her shattered heart and wash away the guilt and anguish that is flooding over her now.

But she doesn't want to feel better. In a detached sort of way, Monica recognizes this feeling is wrong for an angel, though quite normal for humans. When in so much agony, humans sometimes begin to almost take comfort in that pain. They begin to feel safe in the only emotion they are familiar with, no matter how much it aches. Or they believe they deserve to feel awful. Whatever the reason, they make the choice to wallow instead of seeking help. She had never understood that particular human trait, until now.

Ruefully, Monica shakes her head. 'Maybe I am spending too much time around humans,' she thinks, then stops herself. That line of thinking was what got her into this mess in the first place.

Sighing, Monica stops walking and takes a seat on fallen branch beside a small lake. She glances over the shimmering water, the waves gently lapping at the shoreline, a magnificent merging of water and earth. Small insects dance across the surface, drawing the attention of fish looking for a meal and creating ripples that spread out in broadening geometric patterns. Normally, this scene would have brought great peace and joy to Monica's heart. But it didn't. Everything seemed… different, now. Beauty was clouded in gray, and the rough ridges of the log cutting into her leg seemed right, somehow.

Tess, Andrew, and the other angels know that she was given some time off to heal and deal with everything that had occurred. Monica knows they believe that she needs the time to trust humans again, and she doesn't correct their assumptions, though she knows that she cannot hide her secret from the Father. She knows that He has forgiven her for turning her back on Him, however briefly, and for questioning His plan and almost giving into temptation. It will take some time, however, for her to forgive herself. She hasn't been able to bring herself to share with her friends the details of her recent experiences, and it is those details that are so troubling her now.

As scenes from the previous day play over and over in her mind, she suddenly hears soft footsteps behind her. A man in khaki pants and a loose, white linen shirt sits down beside her, his striking green eyes gazing forward over the water. He says nothing, just watching nature unfold around them as the breeze ruffles his short blonde hair, but one hand reaches over and enfolds hers, entwining her slender fingers with his own.

Monica doesn't turn her own eyes from the lake before her, unsure of how to react to the man beside her. Normally, he is her pillar, and she longs to be able to fall into his arms and tell him everything. But she knows that this time she can't, so instead she drops her head and closes her eyes, drawing as much comfort and strength from his grasp as she can.

"Talk to me, Angel," Andrew finally speaks, and Monica looks up to realize suddenly that he has turned his stare from the water and she is almost startled by the intensity and compassion in his emerald orbs. She turns away again, unable to meet his eyes. Just as it was too painful to return to Heaven, she feels a fresh stab in her heart at the love and concern that emanate from her best friend. But Andrew persists, taking her chin ever so gently in his hand and turning her to face him once again.

"Please, baby. I can see how much this is eating away at you. Whatever it is, you need to let it out. I love you, and I'm here to listen. Whatever it is, we can get through it together."

Monica hesitates. She had been sure she would never discuss what happened on that cliff, and even minutes before, she would have said that Andrew, specifically, would have been the last person she'd confess to. But now, looking at the empathy and dedication written on his face, she is swayed by the love and peace her best friend exudes.

"Well, you know that after I walked away from the explosion yesterday, I ran into the Devil," Monica begins cautiously, looking at Andrew to gauge his reaction.

Andrew nods slightly, encouraging her to go on, but careful not to show any emotion. This much he knows already, that she met the Devil and he enticed her to the edge of a cliff, offering anything to tempt her to fall from God's graces. He doesn't know what happened between getting into the car with Satan and walking away from him on that cliff, but he knows how powerful and manipulating the Devil can be, and that he will use any tactic necessary to crush a soul. He is so proud of his friend, and his heart swells with love and awe at her strength. But that swelling only makes the stab of pain that much deeper when he thinks about the emotional suffering she must have endured in her darkest hour. Still, right now he has to focus and let her tell the story, and not let his own emotions get in the way. He can't imagine what the Devil must have done or said or offered to Monica, but he's sure that is what is eating away at her now, and that is what he hopes she will confide in him.

"I don't know what made me go with him. I know I should have known better. I've spent my whole existence trying to avoid him, but I just… Oh, I felt so horrible, Andrew, and I didn't know what to do!" Monica breaks down sobbing.

"I know, I know Angel," Andrew placates, pulling her into an embrace and rubbing her back soothingly. "I'm not here to judge you, honey. And I know how terrible that day was, how much it broke your heart. You were in pain, that's why you went with him, and it's okay. Everything's okay now." Andrew continues to calm her with his word and his hands until she feels composed enough to continue, though she chooses to remain in the safety of his arms.

"He… confused me. One minute, I was walking away from him, telling him to leave me alone, that I wouldn't turn my back on God, that I didn't want to listen to him. Then, all of a sudden, he was talking about love and telling me that I owed it to myself to find out if I could be a better human, a better lover. And I wanted to resist, but I was so confused and in so much pain and he… he showed me things, Andrew…" As she speaks, Monica chances to look at him, desperately seeking some sign of reassurance as she exposes herself to him, and Andrew does not let her down.

"What did he show you, Angel?" Andrew prods gently, wiping some of the tears from her cheeks.

Monica takes several minutes to compose herself again and gather courage before she continues, her liquid eyes staring at Andrew's broad chest, but seeing the images that were planted in her mind.

"He showed me what it would be like if I were human. He showed me myself, with a husband, and two kids… and I was pregnant…" Monica whispers, tears continuing to fall. She can't stop herself now. She tells Andrew everything, describing every detail of the scene so burned in her mind. Her tending to the roses, listening to the laughter of her two children as they played catch in the yard; her daughter- Tess, she'd been called- smiling up at her as she cautioned from the porch; swinging her son in her arms, his giggles infecting her and causing her own laugh to ring out. And the feeling of Mike Rice's arms around her, his lips on hers in a physical expression of love that she'd always been denied as an angel. And the heavy feeling in her stomach… oh, how that weight had filled her with such joy and fulfillment! Even though she was not actually there doing those things that she saw, the Devil had made her feel as if she was. For just a moment, she could actually feel the life growing inside of her, feel Mike's hand on her stomach, his lips on hers. She could feel the little boy in her arms- her son. And she could certainly feel the love that swelled even greater in her heart…

Andrew says nothing as the words continue to pour from Monica's mouth, describing the scene in such detail that he can see it in his mind just as she had. He is shocked, and feels as if he has been stabbed. Suddenly, Andrew has his own vision: A young girl with dark hair catching a baseball, the sun glinting off her reddish highlights and making her jade eyes sparkle. Standing across from her is a young boy with dirty blonde hair but his mother's chocolate brown eyes, readying himself for his sister's next throw. And Monica, carrying a third child within her, her face aglow with the happiness of being a mother and spending the day with her family. But Andrew now sees himself in the picture. Instead of that other man, it is he who is caressing Monica's pregnant stomach so intimately, he who holds her close and places a tender kiss on her velvety lips…

Lost in his daydream, Andrew fails to notice that he has pulled away from Monica's embrace, his mouth still hanging open and a stunned expression on his face. Nor has he noticed that Monica has stopped talking, and is now looking at him, devastated.

Suddenly, Monica pushes away, dropping her face and murmuring "I'm sorry, Andrew," before turning and running off through the trees.

Startled out of his fantasy, Andrew stands and calls after her, but she has already disappeared from his sight. He knows he should go after her, but instead he sinks back down onto the log, dropping his face into his hands. He saw the flash of hurt in Monica's eyes, and he wants nothing more than to take that pain away. But how can he help her when his own heart is shattered?

***TBC***


	2. Chapter 2

I want to say thanks to everyone that reviewed the first chapter, I can't tell you how motivating it is to hear your thoughts. Hope to have a chance to respond individually in the next few days- to the current and hopefully future reviews (she hints shamelessly =) ), but I'm fighting off illness today and wanted to at least get the second chapter out. But for now, thank you for the kind words, they really cheered me up as I'm feeling so miserable. Hope you enjoy~

* * *

Chapter 2:

Monica runs through the brush, her legs moving almost as swiftly as the tears that are racing down her cheeks, until she can no longer control her limbs and she falls to her knees, sobs wracking through her body.

This morning, Monica would have said that she couldn't possibly have felt any worse. But the look on Andrew's face sent her into an even deeper level of despair. She knew she shouldn't have told Andrew what she saw on that cliff. It had been a mistake not to listen to the cautions her mind had screamed before he had appeared beside her at the lake. And now he's disgusted with her. She saw the shocked look on his face, the torture in his eyes as he listened to her impure confessions. As far as she was concerned, he had as good as confirmed that the idea of an angel- of her- coveting a human life, human love, was appalling to him. But he hadn't even heard the worse part.

No, what truly troubles her isn't what the Devil showed her, but what her own heart had shown her.

She couldn't stop thinking about it, the scene playing over and over again in her head like one of those movies that the humans loved to waste away in front of. She sees herself as a human, with her two children running around near her and a third kicking softly in her womb. But this time, it isn't Mike Rice who wraps his arms around her, but a man with wheaten blonde hair whose touch she could distinguish from any other. It is Andrew, her Andrew, and she can almost feel his lips press firmly against her own, and for a moment she wonders if he really feels as soft and tastes as sweet as he does in her dreams.

The Devil dealt in temptation and desire. He could see that Monica coveted human beings, could infer enough to know that she desired to experience human love, to have a family, and so generated the images he knew would cause her to question God. But the devil couldn't see into her heart, the love there too powerful for him to behold, and so he had missed the one thing that may have proved her downfall.

Yes, she did want those things he had shown her, but not with some random human, no matter how kind and intriguing that human seemed. In her heart, what the Devil could not know, was Andrew. And had he offered to experience that life with Andrew, then so help her God, she might have fallen.

Monica yearns for Andrew, and has been in love with him for many years. Even before the Devil showed her images that seemed so tangible, she had dreamed about experiencing that type of love with him, longed to share a family with him just as she saw year after year in her assignments. She knows coveting is a sin, and she feels even more guilty because she has fought that battle in the past. She remembers when she had been so envious of that little girl with the gift for singing, almost abandoning her assignment as she couldn't bear to watch someone care so little about a gift she wanted so badly. She feels almost silly now, looking back, but Tess, Andrew, and of course the Father had helped her to get past that jealousy and learn to be thankful for the gifts she had been given.

But this was different. It wasn't just some thing that she coveted, it was a deep craving for an emotion, a person, and she can't let it go. But she could never tell Andrew, either. He is so pure, so ethereal, and she feels almost like she is degrading him somehow, carrying around these unangelic thoughts. And his reaction to her story earlier told her just how unreceptive he would be to the possibility of having that kind of relationship with her. No, as much as it pains her to know this love will always be unrequited, she also knows that he could never feel the same, and she will not hurt him, refuses to risk their friendship.

Un-whole, unholy… an interesting similarity, she thinks, but she feels both of those things right now. Because while she knows that she chose not to take the plunge off of that cliff, she also wonders if maybe she's not a true angel anymore, either.

***

Andrew sits staring, unseeing, from the same spot that Monica had just hours before. Everything had happened so quickly, and now he feels unsure of how to handle the overwhelming emotions and racing thoughts that Monica's confession has left him with.

He knew the Devil must have offered Monica something truly tempting, but had been unprepared for the reality of the situation. If he had been amazed by his friend's strength before, he is truly in awe now. And he is so thankful that she resisted temptation. He couldn't bear to be without his friend, and doesn't know if he could have carried on if she were gone. He knows that Monica survived the fall of a friend herself, and he can't begin to fathom how much that must have devastated her. The thought of any angel falling from God is painful, even more so than watching humans choose to turn their back on Him. And to imagine a friend going through that- to envision Adam, or Rafael falling? He would be heartbroken. But Monica? Monica is so much more than a friend, more even than just his best friend. She is his soul mate, she is a part of himself. If Monica fell, half of his soul, and his entire heart, would fall with her.

Andrew's heart throbs with empathy for Monica, because he understands just how difficult it must have been to resist that particular temptation. He, too, has watched his assignments over the centuries and dreamed of experiencing fatherhood for himself. He has always loved children. They are so miraculous and rejuvenating, and his spirit is renewed whenever he is around them.

But could he be a good father? Certainly he couldn't compare to the true Father, but he'd worked enough assignments to see all sorts of people, and though it may not be very becoming for an angel, he has many times witnessed situations that left him thinking that he could do a much better job at being a parent. The abuse, the neglect, the fathers that abandon their children, or worse, those that stick around but remain absent from their children's lives, it all fills Andrew with great sorrow. He knows it is not his place to judge, but he also knows that if he were blessed with the gift of parenthood, he would cherish it; he wouldn't commit those sins he hates seeing in his assignments. He would love his child, he would teach them and guide them and give them the world.

'But would I?' he wonders. Being an Angel of Death is the epitome of a full time job, one that takes him all over the world in literally the blink of an eye. And while it brings him indescribable joy, it also at times leaves him weary. Maybe that's why the gift of parenthood is reserved for humans. He remembers suddenly something Monica once told him, when he was letting his own pain prevent him from completing an assignment. She had reminded him that he was a servant of God first, and of his own heart second. Where would a child, a family, fit into that?

Still, he wishes, and he wonders. Could it be possible? Having a family wouldn't make him love God any less, and surely he could still serve Him. Maybe the gift isn't reserved for humans exclusively, but just hasn't yet been offered to angels. Again, he recalls something Monica had said years ago, right after they first met. He had teased her about it at the time, but is now hanging his last shreds of hope on those words: All prayers are answered. Sometimes, the answer is no. But sometimes, the answer is not yet.

Yes, just like Monica, Andrew has dreamed secretly in his heart for a family, but has never been brave enough to voice his wishes aloud. But now, with Monica's revelation, he can't hide them any longer. And so he realizes just how enticing the Devil's offer of a human family must have been for her, and is even more astounded by her strength and faith, and feels twice as fortunate not to have lost her.

But Andrew feels somewhat guilty that that is not the only reason he is happy that she resisted.

Just the thought of Monica with another man is enough to make him feel physically sick, even in his angelic form. Imagining him touching her, holding her, kissing her, makes his fists clench involuntarily and he is overcome with jealousy and protectiveness.

Even more often than he has thought about fatherhood, he has yearned for the only soul he could ever imagine as the mother of his children. It catches him off guard at times, bowls him over, how beautiful she is. Not just in body- though he is exceedingly aware of how gorgeous she is physically. But it is her inner beauty that leaves him breathless- her heart, her concern for all creatures, her trust in God, her childlike inquisitiveness, her insatiable curiosity… Andrew is sure that it would take a dozen eternities to list all of the qualities he so loves about Monica.

He dreams of holding her in his arms without having to bite back the confessions of love he wants so desperately to whisper in her ear, of a day when he doesn't have to hide the goosebumps that cover his arms or the electricity he feels when she grasps his hand. He has imagined many similar scenes over the years, but now, he can't get the images from today out of his head. He can almost feel her sinuous skin, her tender lips beneath his own, her silky hair entangled in his fingers. As he lays his free hand on her stomach he feels a pull in his groin, in his own stomach at the thought of the life that is growing beneath his palm, at the evidence of their love for each other and the love and blessing of the Father.

He knows his thoughts aren't very angelic, but at the same time, he knows that his love for Monica is almost as pure and deep and true as the love he feels for the Father.

He has never dared to reveal his feelings, certain that Monica could never share his desires. He'd thought she'd be disgusted by his confession, disappointed that he would desire such human aspirations. He'd been so terrified that he'd lose her, so he pushed everything down, trying to ignore the pain that coursed through him at the thought of never being able to profess his love for her.

But now there is a new stab of pain in his heart. Because today, Monica showed him that she does in fact desire the same things, share the same feelings… just not for him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Slowly, Andrew is able to calm himself down. It has never been quite this difficult, but he has years of experience at reining in his emotions concerning Monica. Taking several deep breaths, he finally stands, and takes a moment to wipe the dirt and grass from his pants, stalling for time.

He knows he needs to find Monica. She had been in such pain even before, but he had not missed the look of alarm in her eyes before she had run off. He had handled everything so poorly, and can only imagine how he must have come across to her.

Did she somehow sense his feelings for her? Was that what had caused the look on her face, he wonders, panicked. No, he calms himself. She couldn't possibly know. She must have just been hurt by his silence, misinterpreting it for lack of concern or even disappointment. Nothing is further from the truth, and he can't let her go on hurting any longer. He has no idea what to say to her, how to make this right. But he has to try.

***

It doesn't take Andrew very long to find Monica. Sometimes he wonders if their souls are actually tied together, as he can always feel a pull in her direction, can always sense her presence.

Her ginger hair glistening in the sunshine attracts his eyes first, but his heart catches in his throat when he realizes that she is crying. He wastes no time rushing to her side and drawing her into his arms, stroking her hair and whispering calming words just as he had earlier, but praying that this time he might do a better job at helping her.

"Angel, please, everything's okay now. Everything is okay."

While Monica had initially sunk into his embrace, he can now feel her tense beneath his arms.

"No, Andrew, nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be the same again!" she sobs, pulling away abruptly and averting her eyes. But Andrew refuses to give up, and turns her gently to face him once again.

"Why? What aren't you telling me? Baby, I'm sorry I let you run off before. It wasn't you, I swear, I just had some of my own stuff to process. But I promise you, there's nothing you've told me that has made me think any less of you, nothing you ever could tell me. That's impossible- if anything I admire your strength even more than ever. So please, please tell me what's going through that pretty little head of yours, Angel, because I can't bear to see you hurting."

Monica hesitates, torn. She wants to tell Andrew, but she is so afraid. She stares into his eyes and sees the concern and truth behind them, the love that shines- though it saddens her to know that it is not the same type of love she so desires from him. But she is nonetheless hypnotized by him, and Andrew returns her gaze, unblinking, lost in their depths.

Neither angel realizes that they are slowly leaning towards each other, heads tilting slightly, their faces inching slowly together…

"There you are, Babies! I've been looking for you for hours!" rings the sudden voice of Monica's supervisor, as she stumbles over twigs and brush to enter the clearing. "Oh, Father, I know all of your creations are wondrous, but couldn't you make nature a bit less… dirty?

In her grumblings, Tess fails to notice the sudden jumps of Monica and Andrew, who have now put a few feet of space between them as they turn to look at their friend with wide eyes and reddened cheeks.

Tess moves to hug her young charges, oblivious to the embarrassment and awkwardness that fills the air. "Let's go, Angel Babies. The Father has informed me that He has provided a place for us to stay not too far from here. Now, I saw we get out of here, away from these bugs, and then I want to hear everything that's happened, Monica, over a nice cup of tea," Tess continues, leaving no room for protest as she takes each of her friend's arms in her own, and leads them out of the clearing.

***

Tess stands in the kitchen of the small cabin that has been provided for them, preparing dinner. She needs to feel useful, and hopes that a meal of comfort foods will bring her babies some peace. She had suspected that there was more bothering Monica than just needing time to trust humans again, and her attitude this afternoon had confirmed those suspicions. She was glad to find that Andrew was already with her, knowing that her Angel Boy had a particular way with Monica, a unique ability to raise her spirits and unburden her soul in way no one other than the Father Himself could. She was certain that with Andrew's help, they could bring Monica back from the hole she seemed to have buried herself in.

But after finding her charges earlier, she had quickly noticed the tension between them. Neither had spoken much on the journey to the cabin, their conversation strained and their demeanor awkward. Something had happened between them before she had arrived, but neither seemed willing to share with her just what that was.

Now, Andrew stands in the living room, staring out the window at Monica, who retreated to the front porch after refusing to talk about the explosion nor what is bothering her now. Andrew looks just as dejected as Monica, and Tess knows it must be killing him to watch his best friend withdrawing from him. Turning back to the stove, she offers up a silent prayer for the strength and patience they will all need to get through this together.

***

Andrew watches Monica wrap her arms around herself, looking for comfort that he's too afraid to offer.

He can't believe he had almost kissed her. He didn't mean to. He hadn't even realized he was leaning towards her until Tess's voice had startled him out of his trance. Had Monica known what he was doing? They hadn't gotten too close, he supposes he could talk his way out of it, explain his actions somehow. No, he realizes. Not only could he not lie to her, but the way she has acted towards him this afternoon would indicate that she had sensed what he had been about to do.

Running his hands through his hair, Andrew curses himself silently, mulling over the situation in his head. He wants so badly to help her, but he keeps screwing everything up. First he can't control his reactions to her story, then he lets her run off without following her, now he almost kissed her! How can he help her, if he can't get a hold of himself?

Turning his gaze through the doorway of the kitchen, he watches Tess preparing dinner. Maybe it would be best to let Tess take care of Monica, he thinks, since he doesn't seem to be capable of doing so himself. Though it pains him to leave her like this, he can't sit around watching her hurting, and knowing that he is causing her pain. Maybe a little time away from her will allow him to sort out his head and push away these feelings that seem to be getting out of control.

***

"Tess?"

Turning, Tess sees Andrew standing behind her, his head down and his hands shoved in his pockets nervously. She tries to remain calm, but senses that something isn't right.

"Tess, I'm… I'm leaving, for a while. I've got an assignment," Andrew begins. Really he had requested an assignment, but didn't feel that he needed to include that information. "I'm sorry about dinner, but I've got to go now."

"Wait, baby, what's going on? I didn't know anything about an assignment. What about Monica? She needs you!"

"No, Tess. No, she doesn't. It's better this way, believe me. Just… take care of her, okay?"

Nodding, confused, Tess reaches and hugs him, not sure how to take this turn of events. Pulling apart, she wants to question him further and demand an explanation. But before any words can leave her mouth, Andrew disappears.

***

Shivering, Monica reluctantly comes back inside the cabin, unaware how long she had sat on the porch, lost within herself. She finds Tess in the kitchen, an uncertain expression on her face as she finishes setting the table. Monica notices that there are only two place settings, and quickly realizes that Andrew is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Andrew?"

Tess hesitates, knowing that no matter what had transpired between she and Andrew, Monica would not take the news of his departure gladly. Sighing, she turns her sympathetic eyes to her young charge, wondering how best to break the news.

"Baby, Andrew had to leave. He said he had an assignment. But he'll be back, don't you worry. Now, I say we sit down and eat. I even made some coffee for you."

Monica feels as if she has been slapped. Andrew left. He hadn't mentioned an assignment before. He would have said something to her, at least said goodbye. But he had just disappeared.

She remains silent, wondering what this could possibly mean. She had tried to tell herself that Andrew couldn't have known that she had been about to kiss him- she hadn't even realized it until Tess's voice had caused her head to jerk back. But he must have sensed it, must have realized what she was thinking. Even though he had tried to reassure her otherwise this afternoon, he must still be disappointed by her confession. What if he connected the dots, realizing she was in love with him… was that why he left? Was he too disgusted with her to stay?

Tess's concerned prodding finally jolts her from her spiraling thoughts, and she looks up, suddenly feeling physically ill. "No thanks Tess. I'm sorry, but I'm not very hungry. I just want to go lay down." Monica hesitates before continuing. "And Tess? I want to go back to work tomorrow, too."

With that, Monica turns and rushes to her room, leaving a very bewildered Tess to wonder what is happening to her Angel Babies.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Andrew leans against a willow tree in a large suburban park, unseen by the humans around him who have flocked here to enjoy the pleasant weather. He glances at his pocket watch, willing time to speed up as he waits for his next assignment.

He has not seen Monica or Tess in over a week, and he can't begin to describe how much he misses his friends. But he knows that this is the best thing to do. He is so afraid of hurting Monica, of losing his best friend. He'd rather be in pain for a little while, until he can reign in his emotions, than see her hurt. Actually, he thinks, he would rather be in pain the rest of his existence than see her with a paper cut, but he hopes it won't come to that.

So he has completed assignment after assignment, trying to keep his mind too busy to stray to Monica. He takes soul after soul Home, and though he throws himself fully into his work, bringing peace and comfort to those souls, his heart just isn't in it. He isn't experiencing the joy he usually feels when a soul first enters Heaven. He can't find enjoyment in any of the things he usually does- the birds flying overhead, the laughter of children in the park, the smell of lilacs wafting through the air… They all seem duller, somehow, almost fuzzy. And they all remind him of Monica.

Sometimes, he thinks he is getting better at pushing these thoughts aside, at rebuilding the wall around his heart- a wall not to keep others out, but to keep his own love in.

But it is in these moments of downtime, waiting between assignments, that it all washes over him again, the immense love he feels for Monica and the pain that follows, knowing that love is impossible.

Turning his head, he notices an elderly couple sitting together on a nearby bench, holding hands and laughing at the antics of the children playing on the jungle gym. Andrew feels another jolt of longing course through him at this sight, imagining their life together- falling in love, getting married, having children, growing old… the promises, the joy, the shared pain, the support, the millions of memories created and experienced together… He yearns to have that opportunity with Monica. He knows they would never grow old physically, but the metaphorical implications of sharing eternity with her leave him breathless.

Sighing, he checks the time once again. At least it's time for his next assignment, and for a little while, he might be able to keep his mind off of Monica, and away from the future he dreams of, but can never have.

***

Monica sits alone in a small café, sipping a coffee without really tasting it. Even her beloved drink can't raise her spirits, but she continues drinking anyway in an effort to occupy her hands. It does nothing to occupy her mind, however, which drifts to the past week.

She had completed her assignment, though she's not sure how she did it. She feels a little guilty, because she knows that Tess ended up having to pick up more of the slack than usual as Monica was so distracted, though she graciously never pointed that out. It had been such a difficult case- a young couple with a newborn child letting stress and financial troubles prevent them from seeing the gifts the Lord had given them. Constantly, Monica had to bite her tongue, wanting to scream at the couple how ungrateful they were being, not to take advantage of the life they had, the gifts they had the opportunity to experience. She didn't understand how someone could let even a second go by without thanking God for the blessing of a spouse and a family.

But she had restrained herself, and with Tess's help was able to make her assignments refocus their priorities. But where Monica had hoped that forcing herself back to work would distract her from thoughts of Andrew, it had only intensified those feelings.

Though she tried not to get her hopes up, Monica had half expected to see Andrew before the end of the case. She hasn't heard from him in over a week, and this pains her more than anything.

Tess had said he'd had to leave on an assignment, and though she'd felt crushed, she was able to talk herself down, reminding herself that he did at times get called to work elsewhere. But as the days went by, she grew more and more distressed. Even if this assignment didn't require an Angel of Death, Andrew had acted more and more as a caseworker over the past few years, working with she and Tess outside of the usual realm of an Angel of Death. So why wasn't he here now? He was never assigned away from them for that long- unless he had requested it? Monica has no way of knowing, but she can't shake the feeling, and the implications of that possibility terrify her.

***

Unseen by Monica, Tess sits at a neighboring table, watching her contemplate her coffee mug.

She had been unusually lenient this past week, understanding that Monica was still struggling with recent events and would need some time to adjust. She was surprised that Monica had so adamantly insisted on returning to work this soon. She knew her charge was struggling and that more had happened to her than she let on, but she didn't want to push. She wasn't sure exactly what had happened that day in the desert, only that Monica had met the Devil, who had tapped into her deepest desires and used them against her poor Angel Baby, guiding her to the edge of a literal cliff between good and evil.

But her Angel Girl had resisted temptation, finding strength in herself and in God. But what exactly the Devil had offered her she did not know, and Monica was not ready to share. For that matter, Monica also would not tell her what had happened between her and Andrew.

But one thing Tess did know- Monica may have walked away from that cliff, but she hadn't left the cliff behind.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Andrew walks listlessly through the park- the same park in which he had enviously watched an elderly couple sharing private moments some time ago. He has just completed yet another assignment nearby, and is spending a few minutes here, trying to get his thoughts together before he gets his next orders.

At first, he had been almost glad for his time apart from Tess and Monica. Oh, he had missed them terribly, but he had only requested a few days apart, thinking he would use the time to calm himself and sort out his heart.

As those few days had turned into a week, without orders to return, he still had not questioned it. Though he worked most of the time with Monica and Tess, as a caseworker as well as an Angel of Death, he also completed many assignments alone or with other Angels of Death as the need arose.

But as the days and weeks continue to pass, Andrew begins to worry. He usually never spends more than a few days at a time away from his friends. So why is he being kept away now?

Andrew's heart is heavy as he thinks of the possibilities. What if God knew what was in his heart? Of course He knows, Andrew chides himself. But what if this is a punishment? A negative answer to the prayers he had been too frightened to voice?

Or what if Monica had requested this? He had almost kissed her, for Heaven's sake! He had been sure she didn't know that, but maybe she had caught on. Maybe he wasn't as good at hiding his secret as he had thought, and now she wants nothing to do with him.

Andrew knows that it's not a good idea to jump to conclusions, but he just can't think of any other possibilities. Either God or Monica knew what was in his heart, and was giving him the clear answer of 'no.' He's just not sure which one would be worse.

***

From across the park, a man dressed in a black suit observes Andrew, watching the obvious distress on the angel's face. He often spends time in parks such as these, unseen by its occupants. The happiness and beauty of the place are repugnant, but he knows there is always an opportunity to cause havoc. A child standing too close to the steep edge of a pond who just needs a slight shove to fall, a whisper in a young man's ear to steal an unattended purse, drug deals to set up… Yes, even in such a seemingly idyllic place as this, there is always room for his work, and he is quite proud of his accomplishments.

And now, it seems the perfect opportunity has just fallen into his lap. He knows exactly who Andrew is, and he clearly recognizes the anguish pouring from his soul, the emotions he had seen so recently in another angel.

He was still angry that he had failed with Monica. He had been so close, and would have had her had God not gone and ruined everything.

But now, it looks like there might yet be a fallen angel in the midst, if he has any say in it. And this time, he will not fail.

***

Tess walks determinedly down a hospital corridor, knowing Monica has just finished her last assignment and would still be nearby. She had given her time, she had given her space, she had given her sympathy, but now, she will give her an ultimatum. It has been almost a month since her ordeal after the bombing, and Monica remains reserved and distracted, falling deeper into a depression yet refusing to talk about anything.

But no more, Tess decides.

"Oh, hullo, Tess," Monica greets as she sees her supervisor stride down the hall. "Everything's all set here. I think they're going to be okay," she continues, glancing through the doorway at her assignment.

"Yes, they will be just fine. You and I, on the other hand, need to have a little chat," Tess responds with a raised eyebrow, and grasping Monica's hand, they disappear from the hospital, reappearing inside the apartment where they have been staying for the past week.

Monica moves to head to her bedroom, hoping to avoid Tess's questioning, but never makes it from the room.

"Not so fast, Miss Wings. You sit right down here," Tess catches her, patting the cushions beside her as she sits on the couch.

Reluctantly, Monica sits, wondering how to get herself out of this situation, knowing exactly what it is Tess wants to discuss.

"Now, before I say anything else, you know that I love you, right Angel Girl?" Tess begins, taking Monica's hand in her own.

"Of course I do, Tess!" Monica responds hurriedly, looking up to meet her supervisor's eyes.

"Well, good, Baby. Then you know that I care about you, and I know you well enough to recognize when something isn't right. Now, I know you've been through quite a lot lately, and I've tried to give you the time and space to sort it out, but you've been walking around here like a black hole for the past month, and it has got to stop. Tell me what's going on, Baby."

Monica doesn't respond for several minutes. She knows she can't tell Tess about what she saw on the cliff, not after the way Andrew reacted. And she certainly can't tell her that she's been so distracted lately because she can't stop imagining kissing Andrew! No, Tess couldn't help her with this, and she'd already lost one friend because of it.

A month… She hasn't seen or heard from Andrew in a month, and that fact alone is enough to bring tears to her eyes.

"Monica?" Tess urges, seeing the mist clouding her charge's eyes.

"Tess, where's Andrew?" Monica questions simply, not sure she wants to hear the answer.

"I don't know, Angel Girl, but I've got a feeling there's a story about that you're not telling me, either," Tess responds with a raised eyebrow, and sees the guilty look that flashes across Monica's face. "Now, you know it is not doing you any good to keep this bottled up, Baby. Talk to me."

"No, Tess, it won't do any good to talk about this," Monica insists dejectedly.

"Then pray, Baby. If you can't talk to me, talk to God. He can fix anything, you know that. He can even fix your heart."

With that, Tess gives Monica's hand a final squeeze then disappears, leaving Monica to ponder whether even God could fix the mess she's created.

***

Though Monica had still not been forthcoming with information, she had provided enough to confirm Tess's suspicions that Andrew was somehow involved. Monica wouldn't tell her what was going on, but maybe she could get Andrew to talk.

"Hey, Angel Boy!" Tess calls out once she spots Andrew, the Father's words guiding her to the park he is meandering through.

Andrew pauses, surprised, certain his ears are playing tricks on him. But as he turns he sees Tess, and runs to envelop her in a tight hug. "Oh, Tess, I've missed you so much," he whispers into her shoulder before he pulls away, wiping tears from his eyes.

"And we have missed you, Baby," Tess replies, her voice catching as she sees how sad and weary her young friend looks.

Andrew does not miss the plural pronoun, knowing to whom Tess is referring. He rubs the back of his neck before hesitantly asking, "How is she, Tess?"

"Not good, Baby, that's why I'm here. She's dying inside, but she won't talk to me. I was hoping you could tell me what's going on," she says with a pointed look.

Andrew looks down, unable to meet Tess's eyes. He can't tell her about this, he knows. He's already hurt Monica, he can't bear to have Tess disappointed in him as well.

He had held himself together this past month by telling himself that at least Monica was okay. Even if she was mad at him- as he still isn't sure this possibility has been ruled out- she at least had some time to heal, to talk to Tess and get better without his overactive emotions getting in the way.

But now, Tess is telling him that Monica isn't getting better, and Andrew feels even more miserable. Is this his fault too? Oh, how did he mess everything up? And more importantly, how is he going to fix it?

As Andrew kicks his foot in the dirt, eyes still averted, Tess knows she won't be getting any more information out of him than she did from Monica. Sighing, she takes Andrew's arm to get his attention.

"Well, if you won't talk to me, then you better go talk to Monica, because that Angel Girl needs you."

Andrew wants nothing more than to do that, but he's scared. He had asked for only a couple of days on his own, but for a full month he's been kept away, and he's sure that's either Monica's or God's doing.

"But Tess, why haven't I been assigned with you guys? How can I talk to her if I'm being kept away?"

Tess hears the answer to Andrew's question whispered in her heart, and she's surprised that he does not know the answer already.

"Because you haven't prayed, Baby. You haven't asked to go back. Now, I suggest that you have a very long talk with the Father, and then get your pretty little behind over and have another long talk with our Angel Girl. Now go on, you know what to do."

And with that, Tess disappears.

***

Andrew stands frozen, pondering what Tess has told him. So Monica hadn't requested he be kept away, and this knowledge fills him with great relief. Nor had the Father kept them apart. Instead, it had been his own fear that had interfered. But while this should reassure him, he is still too afraid to talk to the Father about his feelings for Monica.

But it kills him to think of Monica in so much pain, especially when he has had a hand in causing it. And so he raises his tear-filled eyes heavenward, and asks the Father for help.

"Please, Father. I have to see her. Please let me go to her."

"Go, my child. Soothe her heart."

Andrew hears the words of the Father in his heart and wastes no time in disappearing, too eager to go to Monica and too afraid to have the conversation with the Father that he knows will have to come soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Monica sits alone in the apartment, staring at the blazing fire in the hearth but unable to feel its warmth. Lost in thought, she is startled when the apartment door swings open, and even more astonished to see Andrew barge through.

They stand frozen for barely a heartbeat before they are suddenly hugging, savoring the warmth of an embrace they had not been able to feel for the past month, and whispering over and over how much they have missed each other.

As their heartbeats slow, they each remember why they are here, and tension slowly creeps back into the room, though neither can bear to release the other.

Monica speaks first, and voices the question that Andrew is unsure of how to answer. "Why did you leave?"

Andrew sighs, cursing himself once again for his poor decisions, but tells Monica the truth. "I requested a few days. I needed to think, to sort everything out. But I honestly didn't think it would be this long-"

He stops abruptly as Monica pulls away, crestfallen. He has destroyed her last hope that maybe everything would be okay, her conjectures of the past month proved true. He had left because of her.

How can she be around him now? She can't hide her feelings for him, nor can she pretend to be okay when having him so close yet so very far away is eating her away inside. He always knows when she is upset. He'll either be hurt that she won't talk to him or he'll be repulsed if she does. Either way, she can't do this to him. It would be better if she just pushed him away. She thinks this might destroy her, but she knows that she would do anything to protect him, even from herself.

"Monica, I know I left before you could finish telling me your story, and I am so sorry for that. But I'm here now, and I promise, Baby, I'm listening. Please tell me what's wrong." Andrew doesn't know how much more his heart can take, but he knows he has to do this for her.

Monica shakes her head, not trusting herself to talk. Everything is moving so quickly, and she is so intoxicated by his closeness after so long, that she can't think clearly. She has to find a way to get him to leave, before she does something to ruin everything for good.

"Please, Monica. You have to talk to me. Tell me what's going on," Andrew persists, his expression so earnest that Monica feels physically sickened by what she is about to do.

"No, Andrew! Just go! I don't want you here! Everything was better before you came back, before I told you anything. So just get out of here!" she yells, choking back sobs. She hopes that one day he might forgive her for this, though she doubts that she'll ever be able to forgive herself.

Andrew is shocked, and stands paralyzed for several moments, taking in her tears and the misery and anger on her face- anger that he can't realize is really directed at herself.

Slowly, he backs away, and walks out the door without a word.

***

Some hours later, Tess walks into the apartment and is shocked to find Monica curled in a ball on the floor, violent sobs coursing through her body. She rushes toward her and pulls her into her arms, rocking her back and forth as a mother would a child, singing a soft song in an effort to calm her.

It seems an eternity, but eventually Monica's breathing evens out, though the tears never stop cascading down her cheeks, leaving large wet discolorations on Tess's sweater.

"What happened, Baby?"

"He's gone, Tess! Andrew's gone. He came here and… and I sent him away! Oh, I said such horrible things to him, Tess!" Monica again loses the battle against her sobs, and buries her face further into Tess's shoulder.

Tess is flabbergasted. She could never imagine any harsh words being exchanged between her two Angel Babies, the closeness between them unparalleled in Heaven or on Earth. She certainly can't conceive of what could have been said that would leave Monica in such a state. She is ready to scold Monica, to demand she tell her now what has been going on before this mess gets any more out of control, but a message in her heart stops her, her blood running cold.

At Tess's gasp, Monica looks up, expecting harsh admonishments, but she recognizes the distracted look on her face and knows that she is listening to words from the Father. She is alarmed, sure from Tess's panicked look that it can't be good news.

"Listen to me, Baby," Tess finally speaks, grasping both of Monica's hands, willing her to understand the seriousness of the situation. "You have to go find Andrew. He is in big trouble, Baby, and only you can help him."

Monica holds Tess's stare for a moment, petrified.

"Where is he, Tess?"

Tess closes her eyes, pained by the thought that everything is happening all over again. "You know where, Baby."

Monica looks confused for only a moment before comprehension dawns on her face.

"Oh, no. Please, Father, no…"

As Tess nods her head, Monica races out the door. No one understands better than she just how much trouble Andrew is really in, though she continues to pray that she is wrong.

Because, now, it is Andrew that the Devil is after.


	7. Chapter 7

_Happy Thanksgiving!_

_I thought today would be a good time to stop and thank everyone for reading, especially those of you who have taken the time to write such kind reviews. A special thanks to Deyse, you've really motivated me through this more than you probably realize. _

_Enjoy the holiday, everyone!_

* * *

Chapter 7:

Andrew walks down a deserted road, kicking dust behind him but not caring how it soils his clothing. He has long since run out of tears, though the anguish that emanates from his soul is obvious. As an angel for countless centuries, he had been witness to humans dealing with a multitude of problems, and had always been a sympathetic presence for his assignments, feeling their pain along with them and offering whatever comfort he could give.

But never in his entire existence had he imagined pain could possibly run this deep or hurt so badly. He had lost her. Worse, it was his fault. He had hurt her, and now she hated him, wanted him gone. And he honestly couldn't blame her. He wasn't too fond of himself right now either.

He doesn't know where he is going, but is sure that if he stops moving he'll be crushed by the weight of the sorrow that is hanging over him. He can't go back to Monica and Tess, but he can't face going Home, either. Heaven is for angels, and right now, he doesn't feel worth much more than the very dirt his shoes are kicking up.

At that moment he hears footsteps behind him, though he had been absolutely certain that there was not a soul around for several miles. Turning, he sees a man in clothing of deep ebony walking calmly toward him.

"Hello, Andrew," the man calls softly, and Andrew can sense immediately who the stranger is. He takes a step back, having no desire to enter into a conversation with the Devil.

"Hey, now, don't be like that. I'm not a bad guy. I just want to talk."

Andrew raises his eyebrow skeptically. This is the last thing he needs right now. Turning away, he snaps a decisive "Get away from me."

"I can't do that. Here you are, alone in the desert, walking away from God. Did you really think that I wouldn't show up eventually?"

Andrew continues walking as he responds pointedly, "I'm not walking away from God. I'm just walking- and not with you."

The Devil knows he's going to have to use a different tactic with Andrew than he did with Monica. Andrew will be more difficult- he is older and much more confident. But his situation is different; his pain is deeper. He wasn't hurt by the generic whole of humanity, but abused personally by someone dear to him- and this is why he will fall.

"Oh, please. You're an angel! If you were just out for a stroll, you'd be doing it in Heaven- and you certainly wouldn't look so heartbroken! But here you are… So tell me, why aren't you there? Surely God can heal you," he sneers. "Surely the love and serenity of Heaven can soothe your troubled soul?"

Andrew stops short, the truth in those words unnerving him. He doesn't want to believe that the Devil is right, but his words have struck a chord. He was questioning God- and why shouldn't he? If God knows his heart, then why hasn't he healed him? If God is love, why would He forbid this love that he feels in his heart? He hates himself for questioning the Father, but is even angrier that he fears he might be right.

"Go away," Andrew seethes through clenched teeth, overwhelmed by the thoughts and emotions racing through his head.

"Ah, there it is… Come now, Andrew, I can see it on your face. You know God can't heal this, that Heaven will never feel peaceful again. It hurts too much! Every day you take souls there and yes, it's all fine and good, but you also are forced to see what you're missing here on Earth. Then you go back, and you're lonely… You don't belong there, and you don't belong here. You need an alternative… And I can give it to you."

Coming to his senses, Andrew continues walking and says with an air of finality, "I don't want anything you can offer me."

"How about love?"

For the second time, Andrew stops short, startled. How could he know?

"Yes, I know. It's my job to know. You want human love, and there's no shame in that. Heaven's not all it's cracked up to be. I know, I was there once, too. Yes, it's beautiful, but it's also painful. The souls you bring there may be meeting their loved ones, but who do you meet? Who's there to love you?"

"God loves me," Andrew answers without hesitation, but his voice lacks the conviction he knows it should have, and is not surprised to hear the Devil laugh in response.

"Not in the way you want. Not the way humans do. Come on, Andrew! What good are you to God like this, walking around with so much misery, longing for something you can't have as an angel? How can you help anyone? You might as well help yourself. You might as well be happy. You deserve that after so many years of caring only about others. You deserve to at least see how it could be."

Andrew is more confused than ever. He knows that the Devil is playing mind games, and knows that he is falling into his trap, yet he can't seem to fight against it.

The Devil smiles, knowing that he's getting through to Andrew. "This is hard, I know. I'm not asking you to make any decisions right now. Just, look…"

Andrew follows his gaze and is startled to see not the shrubs and reddish terra firma of the desert that surrounds him, but a large white farmhouse in the country. Wildflowers fill the surrounding fields, their fragrance floating through the breeze that ruffles the short sandy hair of a young boy who laughingly chases after a shaggy merle shepherd dog, a frisbee hanging from its mouth.

"Dad! Dad! Watch what Toby can do!" the boy calls, and Andrew can see the familiar green shade of his eyes as he tosses the frisbee, the dog jumping and gliding through the air to catch it effortlessly before returning it, eager to continue the game. "Daddy, did you see?"

"Of course I did, buddy, that was amazing!" Andrew isn't surprised to see himself walking around the corner of the house, as he knows what the Devil is trying to do, but is taken aback to see his arm around the shoulders of a woman with long blonde hair, and a young girl clutching the fingers of his other hand. As the toddler wanders off to pick flowers, Andrew sees himself turn to kiss his wife's cheek, then whisper something in her ear that causes them both to laugh before he pulls her into a more intimate embrace and kisses her mouth tenderly. A tugging on his arm breaks them apart, and he looks down to see the glittering emerald eyes of his little girl staring up at him through her golden curls, her proffered hand clutching a miniature bouquet of flowers.

"Daddy, I picked these for you," she murmurs sweetly, and Andrew smiles longingly as he sees himself scoop the little girl- his little girl- into his arms and twirl her around, her giggles that fill the air more melodious than any of the songbirds that trill from the trees.

"Thank you, Angel," Andrew hears himself whisper softly as he stops twirling, and as his daughter stretches in his arms to give a kiss, Andrew can actually feel her tiny eyelashes fluttering against his cheek, and he's sure that it's the most heavenly thing he's ever felt.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" says the Devil, and Andrew turns away from the bittersweet vision before him. "The feel of a woman. The love of a child, a little piece of yourself that you helped create… There's no better feeling in the world, I promise you."

Andrew turns back to the scene before him, so similar to the one Monica had described. He truly understands now just how difficult it must have been for her to walk away from this- because he's not sure he has the strength to. But at the thought of her, she becomes his strength, and he turns away.

"Yes, it must be amazing. But it wouldn't be real, and it wouldn't be right. I am an angel of God, and He loves me. I would never give that up for human life, for some random woman. I have eternal life. I have the love of God. I have wonderful friends. I have Monica," he trails off at this, the sadness returning as he continues under his breath, "If only hidden in my heart."

The Devil does not miss that, however. Suddenly, he realizes not only what it is that will make Andrew fall, but also why he failed with Monica. They want each other. He had missed this detail before, but now, with just a little more work, he will have them both exactly where he wants them.

"Ah, the lovely Monica," he responds knowingly. "The heart doesn't break evenly, does it?"

No, Andrew thinks. It most certainly does not. She took most of his heart with her, and the shredded, jagged remains are tearing him from within.

"Yes, I can see where having her waiting for you in Heaven would be enticing. But is it enough? Is it what you really want? To only ever be able to hold her hand, nothing more, for the rest of eternity? Never be able to kiss her, love her, have kids with her, call her yours?" He sees the pained look he was shooting for and continues softly. "I can give you that, Andrew. I can give you all of that- with her. Just… just think about it, okay? Go, finish your walk. And when you're ready, you know what to do. I'll be there waiting." He claps Andrew comfortingly on the shoulder, then disappears.

Andrew is more confused than ever. This is what he's dreamed of, but he'd never in his thousands of years even for a second considered turning from God. And he still doesn't want to, still loves Him with all that he is. But he loves Monica, too. Why would God give him this capacity to love if he can't act on it? And how can he serve Him if he feels so broken?

"I just need to think," Andrew decides, and begins to walk, not consciously realizing that he is ascending the escarpment.

***

Monica finally spots Andrew, her heart catching in her chest as she realizes that he is already halfway up the cliff. She calls to him desperately, but he is too far up to hear her shouts.

As she begins climbing after him as fast as she is able, she curses her tendency to go barefoot. While the grass between her toes usually brings a smile to her face and new life to her soul, the soles of her feet are not so refreshed as the sharp rocks impede her progress.

Knowing it will take a miracle for her to reach him before he gets to that precipice, she turns her eyes upward. "Please, Father, be with Andrew. Help him, keep him with You. Show him You're with him just as You did with me. And give my legs the strength to reach him, give my heart the words he needs to hear. I can't lose him. Please, Father…"

Monica's words of prayer never cease as she continues her climb, unable to bear the possibility of losing Andrew.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

In his contemplation, Andrew doesn't realize that he has climbed to the top of the same cliff that Monica had found herself on only a month before. He's not sure if it is the thin air that is making his human form slightly dizzy or the swirling thoughts and emotions that seem endless, but he stops and takes a deep breath as he tries to get his bearings. He really hadn't intended to come up here, but wonders if maybe some subconscious part of him is trying to say that this is what he should do.

He inches towards the threshold and cautiously peers over, and sure enough the Devil stands on an outcrop far below, arms outstretched, waiting for him.

Andrew backs away slightly, but doesn't leave the edge. "What am I doing?" he asks himself under his breath.

He sighs and looks out at the surrounding terrain. Even in his state of misery, he can appreciate the beauty that is before him. The canyons and buttes, red stone against green shrubbery. The bands of colors that divide the rock layers. The smooth surfaces next to the jagged outcrops in striking juxtaposition, the erosion from rivers and glaciers shaping the land over millions of years into the wonder it is today. It is perfect, and is truly a testament to God's power and plan and love.

But the awe inspiring expanse leaves him feeling as small and as insignificant as ever, and he goes over the situation in his head for what he's sure is the thousandth time, contemplating what he wants, what he's been offered, what he'd have to trade… what it even means to be an angel.

Being an angel means putting God before yourself, doing His work no matter what. It means love- loving Him and all of His creations- Heaven, Earth, angels, humans… And Andrew has no problem with any of that. And it has always been enough. But being an angel also means never experiencing certain things- among them a human family and romantic love.

Two different kinds of love so fill his heart- the love that he feels for the Father, and the love he feels for Monica. Both are so pure, so total, so all encompassing. And there is room in his heart for both. So why can't he have both? Why is he being forced to choose?

He'd never thought he'd have to make a decision like this, doesn't want to have to weigh his two loves against each other. But here he is, and he can't stop the visions from today and from the past month from swirling together and overtaking him once again. The sweet little girl with wispy blonde curls calling him daddy, her brother playing with the dog but looking up to him with such adoration… the older children from Monica's fantasy, each with her chocolate brown eyes and beautiful features… And above all Monica, his Monica, wrapped in his arms and able to confess shared love for each other with words and body and in every way possible. It's everything he's dreamed for so many years- well, almost everything.

He wants Monica, and he wants to share many of the things with her that humans get to experience with each other. But he doesn't want to be a human; he doesn't want to stop being an angel. He loves working for God, too- loves fulfilling the purpose for which he was created, serving Him, bringing souls Home to Him, helping the humans that He loves so much. Thousands and thousands of assignments over the years, and no matter how painful some were, each and every one filled him with joy and pride at connecting a soul with the Creator.

And there is his answer, he realizes. No matter how tempted and confused he might be, he can't do this to Monica. She loves God just as much as he does, loves serving Him. He isn't sure how the Devil would provide him a human life with her, but no matter what, it would take them both from God. It isn't fair to ask her to turn from Him. She is such a magnificent angel, so full of love and devotion and zeal, and she has changed the lives and saved the souls of countless humans over the years. He sees the elation and contentment she feels when she has completed God's work. He can't take that away from her.

Andrew looks over the edge one last time, certain of his decision, but curious. He meets the Devil's black eyes, and sees the mixture of anger and resignation as he slowly lowers his arms before fading into nothingness.

Backing away, Andrew closes his eyes. He knows he should feel relieved that he has resisted temptation, but his heart remains heavier than ever. He has turned down his last alternative, yet he still has no solution. He's chosen not to fall, but as he turns around, he realizes that he doesn't know where to go now any more than he did before he climbed to this spot. Instead, he falls to his knees, hugging his arms tightly around his torso, and can no longer resist the sobs that wrack his body.

"Oh, God, what do I do?" he cries. Over the last couple of centuries, Andrew has acted as the Angel of Death for many humans who had committed suicide, and that has always been one of the least favorite parts of his job. Though it was good to bring relief to such troubled souls as he took them Home, it broke his heart every time. He'd never understood how anyone could feel so helpless and forlorn when God was with them the entire time.

But now he understands. He has just turned down the angelic equivalent of suicide, but he still feels just as hopeless and alone. He can't have a relationship with Monica, yet he can't ignore his feelings anymore. And now, he's lost her altogether, as his inability to control his emotions has ruined their friendship, and she doesn't want him around. He can't work, there's nothing left of him to offer to an assignment. He can't imagine finding even a spark of happiness in tomorrow, let alone the countless tomorrows of an eternity without Monica.

"Please, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this okay!" he yells out, then crumples in on himself, and his last thread of hope is severed as he realizes that his prayers are going unanswered, and he can't feel God in his heart.

***

Monica finally reaches the top of the cliff, her feet aching and bloodied from her frantic scrambling. She is unbelievably relieved to see Andrew still there, kneeling with his head in his hands, and sends up a quick prayer of gratitude. Her relief soon fades, however, when she sees that Andrew is shaking, and realizes that he is crying. She knows that he has already faced the Devil, had seen him on the edge of the precipice during her ascent. She too had cried after her ordeal, at first in shame of her actions, then in gratefulness and renewed awe of God's love.

But there is something obviously different in his sobs. They are not tears of joy or relief or even regret for being in this situation in the first place. These are desperate and painful, and she can tell that something is very wrong.

This assessment has taken but a second, and she wastes no more time as she calls out his name and rushes toward him.

At the sound of Monica's voice, Andrew lifts his head, and his heart is lifted as well at the sight of her. Not bothering to wipe the tears from his face, he opens his arms to catch her as she throws herself at him. They cling to each other desperately, their tears mixing together to soak each other's clothing.

It is several minutes before their tears cease and their grips loosen, though they don't break apart. As their heartbeats and breathing slowly return to normal, Monica is the first to speak.

"Oh, Andrew, I was so afraid I was going to lose you! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for all the horrible things I said. I swear, I didn't mean them, any of them!"

"It's okay, Angel. It's not your fault, it's mine. I'm sorry I keep messing everything up and reacting so badly and hurting you. It was never you, I swear, it's me," he says, hitting his fists against his temples in frustration. "I can't… I can't make everything okay, I can't get everything back to normal…" he trails off as the tears begin their descent down his face one again.

Monica is confused by his confession, and horrified that he thinks this is his fault. "No, Andrew, no. You haven't done anything wrong! You haven't hurt me-"

Andrew cuts her off, uninterested in undeserved absolution. "Yes, I have! Everything's wrong, and I can't… I can't stop… I almost…" Andrew closes his eyes and lowers his head into his hands, no longer able to speak around his choked sobs.

At this point, Monica is crying too, her heart breaking to see him in such pronounced pain. She is so confused by his words. What did he almost do- go with the Devil? That can't be what's making him this upset. There's got to be something more. And what can't he stop? Gently, she takes Andrew's face in both of her hands, forcing him to meet her eyes, the tears still streaming from each of them.

"What is it, Andrew? You can tell me. Please! I love you, and I'm here for you always, Andrew. You have to talk this out, I can't lose you!"

Their liquid eyes are locked, their very souls reflected for each other to see, filled with uncountable emotions. Andrew can feel the smooth skin of her hands on his face; Monica, his strong cheekbones beneath her palms.

Neither angel knows who made the first move, who leaned toward who. They only know that they are suddenly kissing, tightening their embrace around each other. It is not the sweet, tender caress they both had envisioned, but is frantic and needy and desperate. They press hard against each other, and Monica's mouth opens to yield to his tongue. They taste the very essence of each other, mixed with the salt of their tears, and both realize that the other feels softer, tastes better, feels more right than they every could have imagined.

His hands caress her cheeks, one moving to trail slowly down her back and settling on her waste while the other moves up to tangle in her gossamer hair. Monica's hands knead his shoulders before moving up to thread through his own silky locks, impatiently grabbing a fistful in an effort to draw him even closer as their tongues continue to duel hungrily.

Neither angel can get enough of each other, and each feels a stirring beginning in their stomach, all the while their hearts feel about to burst. Their eyes are closed, but they can see each other more clearly than ever through their hands, their mouths, their hearts, their souls.

Abruptly, Andrew breaks away, and pulls out of Monica's embrace entirely, standing to his feet. Monica, gasping for breath, looks up at him with confusion in her eyes.

"I'm sorry…" Andrew mumbles with an expression of horror, and he runs off before Monica can even find her voice to stop him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Monica lets her tears fall harder, as she stares at the spot Andrew had recently occupied, wondering what had just happened.

Kissing him had been more amazing than she could possibly have imagined. She could still feel him on her skin, taste him on her lips, could still smell his fragrance on her sweater of cologne and sweat and something just purely Andrew. Monica could speak all of the languages of humans, yet she couldn't think of a single combination of words that could fully convey how right it had felt to be pressed up against him, how safe she had felt surrounded by his arms, how alive she felt exchanging breaths with him, their lips and tongues and hands and skin all sliding against each other as if their very souls were entwining. It was like trying to describe Heaven.

She really doesn't know if she kissed him or if he kissed her, but no matter who had initiated it, they had certainly both kissed each other, and that alone fills her heart with joy. Does this mean that he loves her, too? She hardly dares to believe. But then why did he leave? Why did he look so horrified? Maybe… maybe he doesn't want this…

More confused than ever, Monica drops to her knees, hugging herself tightly.

Tess materializes beside Monica, having received a message from the Father to come here. She is dismayed to see Monica once again curled in a ball crying, a scene that seems to have become terribly familiar over the past month. Nevertheless, she holds Monica tightly until she cries herself out.

When her trembling subsides, she pulls Monica to face her, looking directly into her eyes as she says, "Baby, you know I will always be here to hold you like this when you cry. But this seems to be happening an awful lot lately, and I can't help you until you talk to me. Now, I'm going to ask you one more time what has been going on here, and this time, I had better get a straight answer, Miss Angel-of-Truth!"

Monica manages a weak smile at Tess's raised eyebrow, and takes a moment to compose herself and organize her thoughts. So much as happened in only a month, and she still has trouble getting her head around everything. But Tess is right, she has to talk, has to get this off of her chest. She is still afraid of how her supervisor might react, but frankly, she thinks, things can't get much worse.

Taking a deep breath, she begins to tell Tess everything, sparing no details. She describes the visions the Devil had showed her that day, and how tempted she had been. She divulges her own daydreams of Andrew that have plagued her ever since. She explains her how she shared part of that story with Andrew, and about his reactions, and how she was so sure that he had left because he was disgusted with her. She recounts their fight once he had returned, and how he ended up on this same cliff with the Devil, but that he too had resisted whatever was offered to him. She hesitates, then in a rush tells Tess about their kiss, and how he'd now run off again.

By the end of her story, she is again reduced to tears, and clings even more tightly to Tess as she sobs, "I just don't understand! I don't know what all of this means!"

Tess has remained silent throughout Monica's narrative, shocked by all that she has revealed. She couldn't have imagined all that had occurred here over the past few weeks. No wonder her Angel Babies had been acting this way! Just their ordeals with the Devil must have been painful and confusing enough. But two angels in love? Tess isn't sure how she feels about this. But looking down at her young charge, shaking in her arms with such obvious pain, she realizes that it doesn't matter how she feels. It only matter how Monica and Andrew feel and how God feels- and it sounds to her like no one has been asking Him.

Once again, Tess guides Monica's chin up so that she is meeting her eyes. "Angel Girl, I don't have the answers. There's only two who do- Andrew and God. Baby, you need to go after Andrew, and you both need to talk to each other and stop running away. And you both need to pray. Talk to God, ask Him what His plan is."

Monica takes a deep breath, scared, but knows Tess is right. "Thank you, Tess," she whispers as she gives her mentor one last hug before turning and running off in the direction Andrew had headed.

***

Andrew walks along the same deserted road leading away from the city limits, his thoughts in turmoil. He had finally lost control of himself. He hadn't meant to kiss her. He doesn't even remember initiating it. And he certainly hadn't meant to kiss her so passionately, so desperately.

But oh, God, had it felt good! If he had been unable to get those visions out of his head before, this would be impossible, because her scent of lilacs and vanilla, the taste of her mouth- coffee and salty and sweet-, the velvety feel of her skin and her hair and her mouth… it all would be etched into his heart and soul forever.

But what did it mean? Did she love him, too?

He just doesn't know what to think, and now he feels even more lost than ever. He keeps thinking things couldn't possibly get any worse, but is loath to think of what could come next.

Yes, kissing her had been the most wonderful experience of his existence, and for a few moments he had been lost in her intoxicating presence. But when he came to his senses, he realized just what he was doing, and had pulled away in a panic, shocked. He'd had to leave before she came to her senses, too, and got angry with him. And even if she did feel the same (and oh, how this possibility stirs a fluttering in his stomach and heart!) they couldn't act on those feelings without turning from God, and that just wasn't an option for either of them.

He hears Monica's voice call from behind him, and unsure whether to run from her or to her, he stands frozen. She reaches him, and both stand some feet apart, visibly nervous and unsure what to do. Neither trusts themselves to embrace the other or even hold hands- gestures previously so natural but now teeming with implication and longing.

Finally, Monica speaks. "Andrew, why did you run off?"

Andrew doesn't answer at first, unsure of what to say. Eyes locked on the ground beneath him, he offers a simple but loaded "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, Andrew?"

Andrew sighs, not sure he can do this. "For everything, Monica. For kissing you, that I keep running off, for… I'm sorry… I've tried… I didn't mean…" he can't seem to get his words past the lump in his throat. He doesn't know what to tell her, what to say that won't make everything worse.

Monica reaches out to grasp his hand, and each is immediately aware of the electricity that flows between them. "Andrew, stop! Don't you dare feel sorry for kissing me! It was… amazing. That was the greatest moment of my existence, the most precious gift that you've ever given me. And I wanted it- I kissed you, too, mister! So I don't ever want to hear you apologize for that again."

Andrew can hardly believe his ears. She wasn't mad at him for kissing her- she had wanted it too! She had enjoyed it! He wants to climb back to that cliff and shout his joy to the world, and hear it echo eternally back to him throughout the canyon. He wants to kiss her again, and this time never let her go. Instead, he settles for squeezing her hand more tightly and smiling.

Monica looks into his sparkling eyes and feels a wave of confidence wash over her at the love she sees reflected. She takes a deep breath, still nervous, but knowing that at this point honesty is definitely the best course of action.

"Andrew, I think I'm ready to tell you the rest of my story now."

Andrew startles slightly, not expecting this. Though the last few minutes have gone far to soothe his troubled heart, they still have much to discuss and he's still not certain of where they stand with each other. He is still hesitant to believe that she could possibly love him, and now that his heart has been raised he doesn't think it can survive another crash.

Still, he knows that she needs to do this. "And I'm ready to listen, Angel." Andrew gently leads her to a boulder on the side of the road, sitting her down beside him. Never letting go over her hand, he braces himself for whatever it is she is about to tell him.

Taking a deep breath, Monica begins. "I've told you what the Devil showed me, the human life that he offered me. And I admit, I was tempted- but it wasn't right, it wasn't real, and I couldn't give up being an angel, couldn't turn from God, for that."

Andrew feels a tightening in his chest. He is reminded of why he turned down Satan's offer, her words only reinforcing his decision. Nodding his head, he gently encourages her to go on.

"And that was difficult, but that's not what had me so upset. When he showed me that scene… I saw something else, too. He knew Mike Rice had intrigued me. That day at the Salvation Army with Gloria, Mike had been so nice, and it had been refreshing to see such a generous human after so many difficult assignments. I guess the Devil must have seen him ask me out, that must be why he cast him as my husband. Because he didn't know that…" she pauses, terrified, before going on hurriedly. "It's you, Andrew! It's you that's in my heart, you that I want so badly. I could let go of the Devil's vision, but my heart kept showing me different ones- ones with your arms around me, kissing me, your child I was carrying within me, our family… I'm so sorry, Andrew! I've tried to push them away, but I can't. I'm too in love with you. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do- I knew you couldn't possibly feel the same, and I couldn't tell you because I knew you'd be so disappointed in me, so disgusted by me. That's why I had to say those horrible things to you- I had to make you go away before I hurt you. I swear I didn't mean any of it, Andrew, and I'm so sorry!" Monica can go on no more and lowers her head into her hands, crying violently.

Andrew sits in shock, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging slightly open. However, he's determined not to make the same mistake as he did the first time that she opened up to him, and moves to pull her tightly into an embrace, stroking her back and pressing kisses to the top of her head until she calms enough to listen to his words.

"Oh, Angel. You could never disappoint me. I'm so sorry that my actions made you think that, because it couldn't be further from the truth. Monica, I left because when you told me what you saw up there, I saw it too- but I saw myself with you. I saw myself holding you and rubbing your stomach, kissing you, laughing with our children… our family. I've imagined it so many times over the years, and I've always tried to push it down, but after you showed me what you saw that day, what you wanted… I just couldn't ignore it anymore. But I thought you wanted it with that man, not with me. I thought you'd be mad at me for thinking of you like that, so I had to leave. I figured I could sort everything out so I wouldn't hurt you. But I can't anymore, I can't… I love you. I love you so much, Monica… And then up there, on that cliff… the Devil, he told me he could give me that, with you… I couldn't go with him, but now I don't know what to do!" Now Andrew is crying harder than Monica, holding her forcefully against him as if she might otherwise disappear. He sobs into her shoulder and lays frantic kisses against her hair.

Andrew's distress has brought Monica to her senses, and she rubs his back gently as he slowly calms. "What we need to do, Andrew, is pray. We've been running away from all of this because we're both afraid, but I don't think either of us has asked the Father what He thinks about everything."

Andrew pulls back enough to meet her eyes, and he nods slightly in agreement, seeing the sincerity and trust within them. But before either of them can speak, they hear words from the Father spoken in their hearts.

"No, you have not, My children. Even angels make mistakes sometimes, and forget where they come from. But I forgive you, and I love you. You've each turned down the Devil's offer because it would not have been real, it would not have been right. You knew that only I can give real love, and you both showed true loyalty and devotion to Me. I know what is in both of your hearts, and it is a gift, one that I have given to you both. And if you want it, you have My blessing. Go. Be together. Share this wonderful love."

Both angels have wide smiles on their faces, bursting with love for the Father and for each other.

But Andrew's smile slowly fades, and Monica looks at him with confusion.

"No," he says simply, dropping Monica's hands and taking a step back. "No. I don't want it."

And with that, Andrew turns and disappears, leaving a devastated Monica behind.

* * *

_A/N: I know, I know… I'm fully expecting some (good natured?) complaints about this one, but I promise it will be resolved soon! Actually, there's only two more chapters, so hang tight… and please, let me know what you think! =)  
_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Andrew returns to the same clearing he had found Monica in after her ordeal in the desert. He sits on the same fallen branch, stares over the same shimmering lake, and thinks about time.

He has existed for so many years that time doesn't mean the same to him as it does to humans. God holds all time in his hands, existing in every yesterday and today and tomorrow all at once. Humans, on the other hand, measure their time in years and days and minutes, counting every second as if keeping track of each moment will somehow buy them more. He is caught somewhere in the middle. Time is a linear construct for angels, just as it is for humans. But when you live eternally, time holds a different meaning. What is a second, a day, even a year, when you have existed for thousands of years?

Humans, they fret about how quickly time passes, but now Andrew marvels at how slowly it does.

One month… it's been one month since he last sat on this log, staring over this lake, wondering how to help Monica. A month was virtually nothing compared to all the innumerable months he has existed, but he's sure this has to be the longest thirty days he's ever endured. A month ago, here, it had all started… but not really, he thinks. Maybe this place was the catalyst for certain events to be set in motion, but it was not the beginning. No, this all started years ago.

Years, too, should mean nothing to him. Yet he has loved Monica for years now. He smiles, remembering the first time he met her. Oh, how she had hated him! He had come to see Tess, visiting her for the first time in a long while. He had heard that she had a new caseworker, and as he had wandered through the woods on the way to the wedding and spotted the most enchanting, delicate, beautiful angel he had ever set eyes on, he knew right away that it was her. Even then, in those first few hours, he had felt compelled to help her, to protect her. But she had certainly rebuffed his attempts then, he thinks, chuckling wryly. But he knew that she was so short with him because she was jealous, afraid he would steal Tess away from her. And that was when he had fallen in love with her. She was so jealous because she was capable of such love.

Andrew was extremely old, compared to humans, but he had never had that feeling before. Everything about Monica took his breath away. He had an overwhelming urge to protect her, to help her, to guide her, and something else, something he couldn't describe at the time, but soon came to realize was love in its deepest and purest form.

Those feelings had grown over the years, rooted deeper and blossomed fuller. And though years shouldn't seem any longer to him than months, those years have felt like an eternity, because he almost can't remember his existence before her. It seemed so gray and empty. Then she had entered his life, and like the sunrise breaking through the dawn, had filled his horizon with light. She had quickly become his entire world.

But if these few years have felt like an eternity, his heart aches to imagine forever, laid out in front of him, without Monica.

He is so grateful to God for blessing their love and offering the gift of a life together. It is his dream, his deepest desire. He would do anything for her- including giving her up for her own good. She is too great an angel, and he just can't ask her to become human for him. He can't take that joy away from her. It might destroy him, but it will be his last gift of love and protection.

So now he sits, because he doesn't know what else to do. He swears he's felt more emotions more quickly and more deeply than ever before. He just doesn't have the strength to keep up. He hopes maybe someday he will be numb to all this pain. But right now, he just feels raw, and no aloe in the world can soothe his burning wounds.

***

Tess appears behind Andrew, and for a moment she watches him stare blankly forward, not even noticing her presence. She had only once seen another soul look so lost and dejected- and she had just left her behind on the side of an isolated desert road.

She sits down beside Andrew, and though she knows he sees her, he does not react. He doesn't move at all, his eyes staring unflinchingly out over the water.

She knew what had transpired between him, Monica, and God just a while ago. Before she had left Monica, the haunted little angel had filled her in, and her detached recounting had frightened Tess. Now she had to talk to Andrew and find out what was going on. She could not understand why Andrew had declined God's gift, but Tess knew there had to be a reason behind it. Her Angel Boy loved Monica. Once she had gotten over the initial shock of Monica's confession, she realized that she had known for years. He wanted this so badly. Surely he must have a good reason for turning it down.

"Andrew," she calls softly, but gets no response.

"Angel Boy, I need for you to talk to me. I know you love Monica. I know you've dreamed of a life with her. And I understand you're hurting. But right now I've got an Angel Girl with a broken heart who doesn't understand why you don't want her, and I'm having trouble piecing this together myself. So please, Baby, tell me what's going on.

All is still and silent for several moments, and Tess nearly falls from her perch on the log when Andrew suddenly launches himself into her arms, sobbing out a choked confession.

"Oh, Tess, I do love her, I do! I don't know how to go on without her. But I have to! I love her too much to ask her to stop being an angle, to become human. I can't do that to her, even if it means giving her up. Oh, what am I going to do, Tess?"

Tess rubs his back soothingly and coos words of reassurance, letting Andrew release his tears and his pent up emotions until he is finally calm. She should have expected as much, she thinks. Of course Andrew would be doing this out of love, however misguided his actions. She knows he is hurting and needs to be held and reassured, and she is glad to be there for him. But the time has also come, she knows, to put her foot down and set this misguided angel straight, and she is glad to do this, too.

Pulling away, she grasps Andrew's shoulders and makes sure she has his full attention before going on. "Now listen to me, Andrew. I know you love Monica, and I know everything you've done so far has been out of that love. But you've been so blinded by fear that you've been making a lot of dumb moves, and it has got to stop. Stop running away, stop taking matters into your own hands, and for God's sake, TALK TO THE FATHER!"

Andrew is startled by her sternness, but knows that not only is she speaking out of love and concern, but that she is right.

"You're right, Tess. I'm sorry," he nods his head, his eyes lowering ashamedly.

"Don't apologize to me, Baby. Apologize to God. He loves you. And I love you, Angel Boy. And everything is going to be okay." She pulls him closer in one final embrace. "I'll leave you to it, then, Baby," she says, and disappears from the shore once more.

***

Andrew just sits for a minute, watching the woods around him, trying to gather courage. But Tess is right; he has avoided this for far too long. Maybe if he had turned to God first instead of as his last resort, things wouldn't be such a mess right now.

"Father, I'm sorry," he begins. "I should have come to You all along. I was just so scared. I didn't know what to do. I know You have given us Your blessing, and I'm so thankful for Your gift of a life together… but I know that would mean being human, it would mean we would have to stop being angels, and I just can't do that to Monica. She's such an amazing angel, and she loves doing Your work so much. I do, too! I just can't take that away from her. But I don't know how to live without her, either. Please, Father, just tell me what to do. I'm so lost…"

"Be at peace, my son. I have already forgiven you. But you need to stop being afraid and have trust. My child, you do not have to stop being an angel. Nor does Monica, not so long as either of you wish to be so. My gifts come without strings, because I love you. And I am impressed by your devotion, as well as by the depth of love in your heart."

"I do love her, Father, more than anything or anyone, other than You, of course. She is my everything. I want nothing more than to be with her always, to keep her safe, to make her happy. I dream of making her my wife, to be bound with her eternally, to spend every day of forever showing her how special she is, how much I love her. In addition to serving You, she is my very reason for existing."

"I know this, Andrew, and I had each of you in mind when I created the other, molded your hearts from the same clay."

"But what do I do now? I've hurt her so much already, and I rejected your gift."

"My gift is still there for the taking, my child. And I will help you, but it is up to you to fix this with Monica."

"Please, help me, Father. I'll do anything for her."

Andrew continues to listen to the words of the Father, even as an idea begins to form in his heart and mind. He wants to go back to Monica right away, and it tears at his heart to know that once again he is the cause of her pain. But he knows there is someplace else he must go first, something he must do before he can fix he mess that he's created.

Stealing one last glance at his surroundings, he sets off, having far to travel before he can return to find Monica and beg for her forgiveness.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Well, here's the last chapter. It's been a wonderful journey and I want to thank everyone for sticking with me through this. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to leave me such kind reviews, especially the several of you who unfailingly left me notes for almost every chapter. Your praise and encouragement meant the world, and made this story what it is._

_Though I'm still kind of new at this, I've really enjoyed writing these fics, and like to think that I will continue. With the holidays approaching I may not be able to come out with something as fast. But I will say that I'm definitely someone who is deeply motivated by encouragement, so please let me know what you think – good or bad- and let me know if you want more._

_So thank you again, and though it's still a bit early, Happy Holidays to everyone._

_And without further interruption, I present the finale to "For These Thy Gifts."_

* * *

Chapter 11:

Monica sits, with her arms wrapped around her knees, in a small clearing in the middle of a large northeastern forest. The surrounding trees offer protection and privacy, while the open space allows her to clearly see the stars shining brightly above her, unobscured by the contamination and light pollution of humans.

She has been here for hours, not caring that darkness has long since fallen and a chill has begun to fill the night air. After she had divulged everything to Tess, her supervisor and mentor had left her, promising to find Andrew and have a talk with him. Unable to stay in a place where so many distressing things had happened lately, Monica herself vanished not long after, reappearing on the opposite side of the country in a terrain so different from the vast openness of that desert canyon. The forest suited her and her mood- lonely, isolated, and empty. She wasn't sure if the quiet ambiance would pacify her soul or immerse her further in depression, but she had walked for hours, contemplating everything that had happened.

She thinks that maybe she should feel angry with Andrew, but knows that she doesn't have it in her to hold any ill feelings toward him for very long. Instead, she just feels an overwhelming sense of hurt and confusion. Andrew had said no; he didn't want a life with her. But he had kissed her, he had said that he loved her, and she could see the truth in his eyes. So why did he say he didn't want her? Did he change his mind that fast? Had she done something wrong? She just doesn't understand. All she knows is that she's never felt so empty without him.

Finally, after hours and hours of wandering aimlessly, going over and over his words in her head, she reached this clearing and finally fell, exhausted, to her knees. And here she has sits, immune to the sounds and sights around her, lost within her head.

So engrossed in her thoughts, she fails to realize that she is no longer alone. For the past few minutes, Andrew has watched her, contemplating her beauty as she in turn contemplates the beauty of the sky. The millions of points of light in the sky have nothing on the brilliant angel before him, but he is saddened to see a dimness about her. He knows that he is the cause and walks slowly to her side.

"Monica?" Andrew calls tentatively, uncertain of how she might react to his presence. Monica turns to look at him briefly, but slowly turns her head away once again, lowering her eyes to the ground, and gives no response. She supposes she had expected him to show up here sooner or later, though she doesn't know if she's ready to face him.

Andrew is unsure of how to proceed, and offers up a silent prayer for guidance before he takes a few steps closer and sits down cautiously beside her. They both sit in silence for several minutes, Andrew wanting to give her some time to adjust to him being there, and Monica unsure of what there is left to say.

Finally, Monica breaks the silence. "Why, Andrew?" She decides that, if nothing else, she deserves to know why he's rejected her, what had gone so wrong so quickly.

Andrew inhales sharply, once again pained by the heartbreak and weariness seeping from that one word. Unable to stop himself, he pulls Monica to his chest, stroking her back soothingly as he presses a firm kiss to the crown of her head. He does not fail to notice that though she does not resist, she doesn't exactly melt into his embrace, either. There's a whole lot of healing that needs to begin here tonight, and he prays once again for the words that might make everything right.

"Monica, I want to say first how very sorry I am. I know it doesn't change anything, and I know it seems like I've been saying that an awful lot lately, but I truly am sorry. I need for you to believe that as you listen to what I have to tell you. And I also need for you to know that everything I've done, as wrong as I've been, has been out of love for you, Baby." He tightens his embrace around Monica as he says this.

Monica listens as he speaks, and can't help but feel a slight lightening of her heart. She is still confused and deeply hurt, but she knows he could never mean to hurt her intentionally. And even now, she still fills with butterflies at hearing his declaration of love. She knows it will be hard to hear, but he will have a good reason for acting the way that he has, and they will get through this. They have to.

Still declining to speak, Monica instead returns Andrew's embrace for the first time, and Andrew feels relief wash through him at this small sign of hope.

"Angel, I love you so much. When I was up there on that cliff… well, now I truly understand how difficult it was for you. Because I wanted a life with you so badly- to love you and marry you and have kids with you. And he offered me that, and I just didn't know what to do. But I turned it down- because I love God, yes, but also because I love you, so much, and I just couldn't ask you to turn from God. I was so lost, thinking I'd never be with you again. And then you came, and we kissed… and I'd never felt so good in all my existence. And when you said you loved me too, and when the Father blessed our love… Baby, I thought my heart would burst, it was so filled with happiness!" Even now, he is so filled with fluttering emotions that he can't resist hugging her tighter and showering more kisses down upon her hair.

Monica continues to listen, and as upset as she is, does take some comfort in his continued embrace and displays of affection. She trusts Andrew, and knows that he wouldn't lie to her. She is relieved to be reassured that he does still love her, yet she is still confused. If he loves her, then why doesn't he want her? She hopes she will find some answers as Andrew continues.

"I felt so happy, so blessed… the Father was offering what I'd dreamed of for so long… but then, I started thinking that to have the kind of life together that humans have, then that must mean we'd have to become humans. I know now that I was wrong, but at the time… I got so scared, Angel. Even with His blessing… I just couldn't do that to you, Monica. I couldn't ask you to stop being an angel. I was sure it would ruin me, but I had to turn it down, for you, Baby." Even now, tears brim his eyes at the pain of this memory.

Monica is rendered speechless by his confession. She pulls back gently from his embrace, stands, and walks a few feet away, needing time and space to reconcile with all he's just told her. She had been so hurt by his actions, and even though she had forgiven him almost instantly and was never really mad at him to begin with, she also hadn't been sure anything he could say could possibly make things completely right between them again. But she is glad that she listened to him tonight, because now she realizes that as hurtful as his actions had been, they were every one selfless and full of love.

Still, there are some things that need to be cleared between them once and for all.

"Andrew," she begins, turning slowly to face him again. He too has gotten to his feet at this point, and Monica can clearly read his anxious façade. "I understand now why you did what you did. And I can see that you did it out of love. And I thank you for thinking of me first, before your own heart."

"You are always first with me, Baby," he offers, but Monica raises her hand to interrupt him.

"But that doesn't make what you did right, Andrew. You really hurt me. You made me feel unwanted and worthless, like my love wasn't good enough for you. I do see now that you didn't mean to, and I've already forgiven you. But Andrew, you have to promise me that you'll talk to me and be honest, because letting fear make decisions for you won't lead to anything good. I've had to learn that, too. I haven't forgotten that I've made plenty of mistakes here lately, also. And I've hurt you because of it. So I understand. But I love you too much, Andrew, to let this ruin us. If we're going to make this work, we have to be honest with each other, talk to each other and say how we feel, instead of running away. Can you do that for me, Andrew?"

"Oh, Angel," Andrew exclaims, no longer able to contain himself as he closes the distance between them in two strides, enveloping her in his arms and stroking her hair. "Of course I will, Baby. I will do anything for you. And this will work. I never want another day to go by with you doubting how I feel about you. I love you, Monica, with everything that I am. Even when I act like an idiot, nothing will ever change that."

The angels remain locked in an embrace for several minutes, savoring this new intimacy between them. Andrew rocks Monica gently back and forth, stroking her back and resting his chin on her head, while Monica rests her cheek against his chest, lulled by the peaceful rhythm of his heart.

It is some time later before Andrew pulls back, but he lets his hand slide down her arm to grasp her hand, and leads her back to the edge of the clearing. Leaning his back against the rough trunk of a pine tree, he pulls her to him once again, turning her and wrapping his arms around her from behind, his chin returning to its home above her head. Content to just hold each other, they turn to watch the millions of stars that speckle the sky.

Suddenly, Monica again breaks the silence, this time with much more excitement in her voice. "Look, Andrew, there's the Andromeda galaxy!"

Andrew chuckles and looks to where her finger points. "You're right, Angel. Do you remember when I told you about that galaxy?"

"Of course I do!" she proclaims, smiling at one of the fondness memories she has with the angel who is wrapped so comfortably around her. "You told me that the Andromeda Galaxy consists of perhaps half a trillion stars, but because it's so far away from us, it looks like just one." She repeats his words verbatim, as the conversation with him holds a permanent spot in her heart.

Smiling himself, Andrew drops his chin to rest on her shoulder, and whispers into her ear as he continues to speak. "Let me tell you something else about it, Angel. That galaxy is the most distant object that can be seen by the naked eye. It's two million light years away. That means that the light you're seeing now took two million years to get here- and it's meant only for you, Baby, no one else. Two million years ago, God put four hundred billion stars together to create that light and sent each individual photon here, now, so that you can experience its beauty. That's how special you are, Monica."

Tears fill Monica's eyes at his beautiful words, and she doesn't understand how she can possibly fall more in love with him every moment she's with him, every time he says or does something new. Before she can respond, a new flash of light across the sky catches her attention, and she steps excitedly forward, pointing up at the sky for Andrew to see.

"Did you see that Andrew! It was a shooting star!" Seeing him chuckling, she glances down timidly. "I know they're just chunks of rock, but don't you think they're still just a wee bit miraculous?"

"Yes, they are, Angel. Did you know that when humans see one, they make a wish?" Andrew replies, stepping closer to her once again.

"Why do they make wishes?" Monica asks, bewildered. "Why not just pray?"

"Well, wishes are prayers, in a way," Andrew answers. "They help humans focus on what they really want, and it gives them a moment of happiness at imagining the possibility of those dreams coming true. And God hears every one of those wishes, just like he hears every prayer. Go ahead, Angel. Close your eyes and make a wish."

Monica raises her eyebrow, but then smiles. "Okay, but you have to, too!" she acquiesces, closing her eyes and raising her head to face the sky. She thinks of Andrew, and before she knows it, the visions of a life together with him fill her mind once again.

Slowly and quietly, Andrew moves to kneel in front of her, his breath catching at the image of her smiling to the heavens. Reaching into his pocket, he removes a small object, and waits for Monica to turn back to him.

Monica opens her eyes, and is momentarily confused to see Andrew suddenly kneeling before her. Her eyes widen in surprise and she lets out a gasp as she sees what he holds in his hand. "Andrew…"

"Monica," he cuts her off. "I know I've made so many mistakes these last few weeks. I've let my emotions get the better of me, and I've hurt you. But know that I am sorry, and I love you. I've loved you since the first day I met you, and though I've tried for years to ignore it, I couldn't, because it's kept growing and growing. I treasure every day I get to spend by your side.

"I told you about Andromeda a few minutes ago to tell you how special you are to me, Baby. Now, I am only an angel, and I can't give you the stars. I can't even promise you that I won't keep making mistakes. But if you give me the rest of your eternity, Monica, I will spend every single day of it trying to make you feel that special and showing you how much I love you."

Monica is at a loss for words, tears rolling down her cheeks as she stares at the ring in Andrew's proffered hand.

"Angel?" Andrew prompts, worried that she has yet to respond, and afraid she is going to decline his proposal. He doesn't know what he'll do if she says no.

Suddenly, Monica propels herself into Andrew's arms, clinging to his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. "Oh, Andrew! I can't imagine a day of eternity without you! You make me feel like the most special creature in all of the universe just when you look into my eyes or when you hold me in your arms. You have my eternity. You have all of my days and all of my heart and my soul and everything that I am. It is all yours, forever, Andrew!"

Both angels are laughing, out of breath and overflowing with emotions. They embrace, and Andrew kisses her cheeks and forehead repeatedly, before pulling back slightly. Taking her hand gently, he looks into her eyes, tears of joy continuously flowing down both of their faces. He holds up the ring for her to see more clearly. A part of him can't wait to see it on her finger, but he wants first to explain its story.

When she had first seen the ring in his hand, Monica had been overcome with emotion and concerned only with its symbolism and with the question and promise it represented. Now, as she inspects the ring itself more closely, she gasps once again at its beauty. It is made of white gold, the band forming two hands that join together to support a single, diamond encrusted heart with a crown upon it. Inset in the heart is an emerald that reminds Monica perfectly of Andrew's sparkling eyes.

"I wanted to come back to you right away today, Angel, but I had to make a stop, first. I went to Ireland, and found a man in Derry who still crafts handmade jewelry. I told him all about the enchanting little angel who I wanted to ask to become my wife, and asked him to help me find the perfect ring to symbolize my love for you.

"He told me the story of Richard Joyce, a man from Galway in the early 17th century who was kidnapped by Mediterranean pirates just a week before he was to be wed. He was sold into slavery to a Moorish goldsmith, and over many years became a master craftsman. When slavery was abolished, his captor offered him wealth and even his own daughter's hand in marriage if he would stay. But he refused, and returned home to find that his beloved had never married, but had waited for his return. He then presented her with a ring just like this one. It is known as the Claddagh ring, after the village in which they were married, and it has become a symbol of enduring commitment."

Andrew holds the ring closer, carefully pointing out each symbol as he goes on to explain each one's meaning. "The heart symbolizes love, the crown stands for loyalty and fidelity, while the hands embody friendship. When it's worn on the right hand, with the crown and heart facing in, it means that the wearer's heart has not yet been won. But when it is worn on the left, with the symbols facing outward- as I hope you will wear it- it says that you have found your true love, and that you're committed to someone and will spend your lives together.

"So I give you my heart, Monica, in friendship, in loyalty, and in love, forever."

Seeing the tears brimming in her eyes, Andrew hands Monica the ring, letting her examine the intricate designs and sparkling jewels. "Look at the inside, Baby," he whispers, watching the wonder and awe pass over her delicate features.

Monica turns the ring over to see an inscription, and immediately recognizes the four Gaelic words etched into the band- Gra Geal Mo Chroi. "Bright Love of My Heart," she whispers, and she once again loses the battle against her tears as they spill down once again.

"Monica, when I think about my existence before meeting you, it seems so dark and empty. But you… you are my eternal sunshine, you make my every day brighter just by knowing that you exist. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my everything, Baby, and my heart would never be whole without you."

Taking the ring back, he brings her hand to his lips and kisses it gently before sliding the ring- crown facing away from her own heart- onto her finger, his eyes never wavering from hers.

Tears are still escaping Monica's eyes, making them red and puffy. The crying and the cold of the night have left her nose and cheeks pink. But as he glances at the ring he's just placed on her finger and looks back into her eyes that reflect more happiness and love than he has ever witnessed, he realizes that she has never looked more beautiful to him than she does right now. Reaching up, he brushes his thumbs across her cheekbones, wiping away the tears, though they are soon replaced by others. His fingers trace down her cheeks and along her jaw, his touch feather light and his eyes never breaking from hers. Gently, he moves his hands back up to cup her face, his thumbs continuing to caress her skin.

Infinitely slowly, he leans toward her, his eyes moving down to her lips. His heart is so full, and he is tempted to kiss her with a passion even deeper than their first. But he restrains himself. His lips are so close to hers, and they can feel each other's shallow breaths mingling in the almost non-existent space between them.

"I love you, Monica, my bride," he whispers, tears escaping his own eyes, as he closes the remaining distance to press his lips gently against hers. There is no desperation this time as their lips slide tenderly against each other, both instead reveling in the moment and in each other.

Overhead, another shooting star soars across the sky, chasing after the first one seen minutes ago by Monica. Soon, dozens, then hundreds fill the sky in a breathtaking meteor shower, as if God was once again demonstrating his blessing.

But the splendor of the night sky cannot compare to the beauty below- two angels surrounded by the glow of God's love, exchanging loving caresses and lingering kisses, enjoying the blessed gifts the Father had given them and savoring the first blissful moments of the rest of their eternity- together.

The End


End file.
